Being Homeless in Baltimore

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I have to be thankful for during the holiday season. I know that my depression gets worse during this time of year and that this is not something that I alone struggle with. There are a number of reasons that people suffer from sadness and depression during the holidays. This includes less daylight hours, colder temperatures, and the sorrow and loneliness of lost love ones above all.

I carry a lot of guilt and shame that I wasn’t there when my mom and dad ( The Schumanns) died. I didn’t even know that they had died until well over a decade after the fact. I do not know why I abandoned them and the rest of my family. Between therapy and reconnection with the rest of the family I will hopefully come to terms with this.

In 1985 I met a woman who taught me how to appreciate what I had instead of whining about what I didn’t have. Her name is Cathy and we had very similar histories of severe sexual and physical abuse as children. I learned that I had truly been “rescued” by the Schumanns and that she didn’t even have the” luxury” of getting a chance at having a loving family as a juvenile.

Cathy and I had a very intense love for each other; we could talk about thoughts and feelings  in a way that I had never experienced before. She wrote beautiful poetry and went out of her way to be thankful and giving to everyone she touched. She showed me what unconditional  love was and that it was something that everyone deserved and was  to be shared with others regardless of their “status” or circumstance.

After she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 1995 we spent many days and nights talking about life and death. We laughed and cried while watching the”Lion King”. Instead of worrying about her impending death she worried about my life after her death.

When she died in December of 1996, we spread her ashes in a beautiful meadow in the mountains of Wyoming. After the spring thaw I went to the meadow and there was a very beautiful cluster of wildflowers in the pattern where her ashes had been spread.

In her death Cathy showed me “The circle of life”.

The meeting for the streetpaper is on Thursday at 12 noon I apologize to anyone who went today

Finding housing can be a challenge to lower middle-income people. For people in the poverty range it can seem insurmountable.When Istarted learning from people about how they ended up homeless  I was astounded at the myriad of barriers people were faced with trying to get housed again.

Serious illness: I have personally met three people who had worked all there lives and became seriously ill, two had cancers and one had surgery with complications involving MERSA. They all ended up losing their houses, life savings, and all other items of value. The devastation of their illnesses, and the pain of the material losses that they lived  through are heartbreaking. Two of the men are housed now and I can’t find any information about the third.

Natural Disasters: Hurricane Katrina, House fires, tornado’s etc

Foreclosure/Evictions: The massive number of  foreclosures caused by poor banking practices has caused a wave of homelessness. It not only affects the owner of the property, it also has displaced a large number of renters.People who have paid rent for years are finding themselves scrambling for a place to stay.When a family has been living paycheck to paycheck and they are evicted,the moving costs, higher,and first and last rental costs are giving people few options.Some move in with friends or family, some end up  in shelters, and some end up on the streets. these are all forms of Homelessness.

Demolition of public housing with inadequate replacement units. this is a serious problem in Baltimore.

Domestic violence: Although there are resources in place to help battered women get into safe houses I have seen women that for some reason don’t want to report the abuse and end up on the street or end up in the city shelter. When I was 14 years old I was in an adoptive family that was extremely abusive. I ended up on the streets until I was locked up and finally ended up with a safe and loving family.

Bad credit report: Often illness, divorce, layoffs,and business failures cause bad credit reports. This is also a racial issue as a disproportionate percentage of African-Americans and Hispanics have lower credit scores than whites. The practice of using credit scores to determine if a person deserves a job keeps people from having a fair chance of working their way out of poverty. This system really sucks. PLEASE check your own credit report and see if it is accurate, you might be surprised. The discrepancies that I have heard of are amazing.

Not earning a living wage: A person working at minimum wage would have to work 3 full-time jobs in order to rent an apartment at the prevailing rate. 17 dollars an hour would be required for a single person to afford to  support themselves in a one bedroom apartment. 7.25$ an hour is a travesty. To rent a room in another’s house with shared bathroom, kitchen, and other facilities runs from 400 a month and up often with additional charge for utilities.

Loss of a job: With the unemployment rate as high as it is and wages low most workers don’t even realize how close they are to being homeless. Within 2 months of being unable to work I was on the street. Saving are at a record low because of the continuing rise in price of basic commodities. With the continuing rise in cost of fuel everyone is taking a hit. Everything we use is transported to us so the increased cost of fuel hurts us across the board. I see more people using public transportation, (which I believe is one positive effect of increased gas prices) yet a lot of commuters and workers don’t have this option. A lot of people are eating less healthy diets because healthy foods cost more. When you are jobless and homeless you can get food from soup kitchens and churches but in order to feed more people they give and feed people they use a lot of starches but without this assistance people would be starving. The people providing food to the needy are being forced to try to feed more people with donations dropping. Any help  they can get, whether donating time or donating food is greatly appreciated.Well I’m  tired and getting of track. I will continue with barriers to housing soon. good night.

When I became homeless the feeling of loneliness and self loathing was so overwhelming that I felt that death  was the only option left. I took around 200 pills and went into the  woods and drank a bottle of vodka. I have no idea how the EMS squad found me. When I came to the nurse told me that they had actually lost me for a minute. I was actually angry that I had failed again. After several days in the hospital I was transferred to a psych hospital. I spent a week there and was returned to the street. I was in trouble because I didn’t have a legal ID. My birth certificate and my social security card were under different names. I couldn’t even get into a shelter because you need an official ID. I pestered Legal Aid  until they finally set it up to where I could legally change my last name from Zelinski to Schumann.

My building of a support network was started by quietly watching the other residents in the shelter.I soon was able to notice the residents who maintained a sense of dignity and serenity in a very dehumanizing situation.We built a network of mutual support and I learned a lot of survival technics and conflict  resolution methods that I still use today. Most of the people I bonded with have disappeared but some of the group and I are in contact and stay in communication in support of each other. It is a very powerful feeling that I dont think very many people who havent been through homelessness can understand. The trust and deep friendship is truly amazing.

When I started going to Health Care For The Homeless, I expected to find a group of disillusioned people who couldn’t find a better job. I couldn’t have been more off base. I found a team of very caring, dedicated, professional people working on a very tight budget. I received the most comprehensive  psychiatric,therapeutic,medical,and substance abuse treatment in one location. They have never given up on me in my many crises and have been a very powerful support network. I have learned that the only way to maintain a solid support network is to be as honest as possible and above all to ask for help when I need it. I am working on this .There are times whenI get depressed and isolate. Isolation is my worst enemy. I am trying to learn to call my support networks when I am at the begining.of an episode.

I added an additional layer of support recently by joining a group called Partnership Developement group [PDG] I go there 2 times a week.It is a day program  for people struggling with mental health issues.

I also go to aa meetings and am very active in the area of advocacy for the homeless.

The key to maintaining my support network is to get back up when I fall and realize that with help from my network I can get back on track. I maintain multiple layers of support and keep in contact with them when times are good or bad.  Peace and I love you all!

A little over one year ago I was staying at the  city homeless shelter.You were given a thin mat to sleep on and a blanket if you got one before they ran out. I remember that it was a Monday.

A very intoxicated man was helped by staff  to a place on the floor two spaces away from me. He fell face first on his mat and appeared to pass out.When I woke up in the morning the first thing I heard was “I think h:eis dead”He had no pulse and rigor mortise had set in.  The man was my age and I listened while the police and staff  talked about him . People were making jokes, belittling him , and dehumanizing  him. I am very emotional  but know that it is a dangerous sign of weekness to show emotions in that setting.

I cryed that night because I realized that dying alone on a warehouse floor with no family or friends was a horrible end to a life that had all the wonderful memorys of family, friends, and lovers. I thought about my own death and decided that If I could do anything at all to help others and myself I would take some sort of action.

The next day , I was in a group at Health  Care For The Homeless and a man named Adam Schneider came in and said that an advocacy group for homeless people w as meeting @11:30. It has been a life changing processs. When I have setbacks I have a support system, we have actualy changed some government policys and our voice as a group is gaining power. While I am now housed , my passion has not wained and I have no intention of giving up this struggle.

For some people the holiday season can lead from mild to severe depressive episodes. I am not a professional mental health worker, the following is just my own experience with the depression . PLEASE contact a professional provider if you need help dealing with depression or other issues that disrupt your life on a regular basis. There are numerous resources in the community that can provide  assistance for little or no cost. An invaluable phone # is 211,they can direct you to a variety of services including mental health, food programs,energy assistance, and other  services. The best most comprehensive program I have found is Health Care for the  homeless at 421 Fallsway Baltimore. www.hchmd.org

Anyways, the holdays were very rough on me this year. The love  of my life died in 1997 We were both survivors of severe child abuse and could talk about and process the feelings that occur. She wanted to survive until Christmas but she didnt make it. I have been through the  greiving process and moved on. The sadness, and memory of good times do surface every year. I also had a girl that I have been seeing for5 years. We had planned tto spend a few days before christmas and have a nice meal. She wouldnt answer the phone until Christmas day when she informed me she was with another man. Interestingly she asked if I would still prepare dinner.

My depression became very serious. My response was to enter my apartment close the blinds and isolate. I knew intellectualy that this was the worst way to deal with the issue, unfortunatly I tend to run on emotions. Ater two days I started doing what works best in this situation. I picked up the phone and started calling my support system. I got out of my house and met with peopie.I met with my therapist and tryed to process the information. The bottom line is  that I  am my own worst enemy when I am alone. Proper response for me is ,take my meds as precribed, get of my butt and socialise. Do something constructive like prepare for presentations that I have coming. I speak at diffrent colleges,middle schools and even elementary schools.I also speak to different comitttes and polititions. The bussier I am the less I stay in my head. I try to eat healthy and get a proper amount of sleep. I attend 12 step groups to remind myself how quickly I can destroy myself.

My depression lasted two weeks which was followed by a period of mania. I mopped my floor at least 8 times in one day cleaned the bathroom four times. I finaly went to sleep after 30 hours. Fortunatly this is an extremely rare cycle that I go through. Being bi-polar is usually controled by my meds, meditation, talk therapy, and other relaxation methods. I am at 100% again. I had some hits on my blog that have the possibility to improve my life. More on that after I process it. Peace to all. Mark

In late September I ended my experiences of being homeless. I moved into my own apartment in Brooklyn in South Baltimore with assistance from Health Care for the Homeless and many other people. 

 Of all of my life experiences, being homeless has been one of the most powerful. I have witnessed other people work their way into housing, return to work, rebuild relationships and return to a stable, productive life. Unfortunately, I have also seen people die during the process. I have learned to appreciate things that I always took for granted. 

The simple act of unlocking a door and entering my own space means so much now. Some of the things that I find delightful used to seem so minor that I never gave a second thought to them. I can buy and prepare healthy food whenever I want. I can take a shower anytime I want. I enjoy cleaning so much that I’ve become obsessive compulsive about it. OK maybe not that bad.

Now that I’ve settled in I have to make sure that I don’t allow myself to become complacent. Today I interviewed a homeless man and went by the city shelter to visit a couple of friends. I remember how grateful I was last winter that I could sleep on the floor at the shelter instead of on a bench on the streets.

On November 20 there will be a “sleep out” at the Inner Harbor. There will be a number of students, homeless people, and other concerned people staying out for the night to heighten awareness of the plight of the people who sleep out every night. I will post more information on this site as it becomes available. You are more than welcome to join us for the night, we need all the support that we can get.